I still have the same anxiety. I haven’t even bothered to take a Xanax yet since they seem to be making things worse lately. cold water is getting to me again. Maybe I’ll try some warm bottled water from the garage. I texted my mom and we talked for a bit this morning. I just wish I knew how to get rid of the anxiety and depression I have going on. My chest aches but it’s nowhere near as painful as it was last week at this time. I haven’t taken any Tylenol yet. I’m watching a gross episode of SpongeBob where they thought Mr. Krabs died and they are filling his empty shell with chum “organs.” So he can still go on his date. These episodes have gotten so bad lately.

I took a Xanax half an hour ago and it did nothing. My anxiety is still really bad. My coping skills aren’t working. I’m not S or having any SH thoughts it’s just plain bad anxiety. I’m not worried about having a nervous breakdown either. Although I did have one after my last surgery which resulted in me being forced into IOP and almost inpatient.

I kind of feel like taking a whole handful of Xanax to see if I can get any relief. Although I just saw something on Facebook about a dude who blacked out after Xanax and ended up murdering 2 people. So a handful is not a good idea. But maybe I’ll take 3.

I haven’t really been hungry lately and I’ve lost some weight. I don’t know how many pounds this week. I lost track. Again this happened after my last surgery too.