Dear Maksim,

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Wish I had some useful advice to offer you but sadly I don't.

My experience, which is very limited and cannot be generalized, is that people in my life who are not afflicted with mental illness never seem to arrive at a deep experience of how it affects those who are so afflicted.

And without that deep experience; real understanding and empathy are almost impossible to achieve. And it seems that without such understanding and empathy, it is difficult for those not afflicted to offer really heartfelt encouragement and consolation.

But like I said at the beginning, my experience is painfully limited and therefore perhaps in error.

The desire for honesty can sometimes come into conflict with the desire to be accepted, respected and loved. There are costs and benefits to honesty and costs and benefits to the need to be accepted, respected and loved.

Each person at each stage of life has, perhaps different needs and priorities regarding these sometimes conflicting desires.

I have often regretted caring too much about what people think about me but have also had regrets about concealing who I really am from people close to me.

And the situation is an ongoing one. I face decisions about these things all the time, so my heart really goes out to you.

Hopefully many others here in similar situations will see your post and respond to it with more helpful words than my poor words.

I wish I knew what to say to ease you distress and pain. It is really heartbreaking what you are going through. I also hope that your therapist will be able to really help.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen