Quote:
Originally Posted by lovethesun
Been having a rough time with my teen daughter. She has a close friend (female) that she used to spend a lot of time with. She has other friends too, but this particular girl was a very close friend to her. About 6 months ago this close friend got a boyfriend. Since then, whenever the close friend tells my daughter she can't hang out with her cause she's doing something with the boyfriend, my daughter gets very emotional and upset to the point of crying. I don't understand this. I've asked her, why not just hang out with other friends? She has made the effort to hang out with other friends and been fine. But there's something about this one close friend with the boyfriend. Everytime the close friend cancels on her or won't make plans with her in order to hang out with the boyfriend, she cries. I've thought, maybe it's jealousy? Maybe it's a feeling of abandonment? I've tried to talk it through with her but she just says she doesn't know what it is. the boyfriend is not a very upstanding person and has shown manipulative tendencies (threatening suicide if the close friend broke up with him) and I thought my daughter was trying to fix her friend's situation or trying to protect her friend and that was causing my daughter's overinvolvment with the close friend. But the close friend chose to stay with the boyfriend and has casted my daughter aside, splitting her time between the boyfriend and my daughter. I just don't know what to do. I've tried to tell my daughter to not tie up all her self esteem in one person, but she still keeps spinning in this circle and short of telling her to distance herself from the close friend for good I don't know what to do.
|
I would ask her about what happens when she tries to make plans with the close friend. What does she say, what does the close friend say, who usually initiates hanging out, does the close friend ever initiate it, is there ever a promise of it coming through (and then it doesn't happen despite promise), etc? Does the manipulative boyfriend say or do something too? Does she interact at all with the boyfriend when she tries to get these plans in place?
Also I am wondering about something and I'd like to ask about it if you don't mind: what do you think she needs to do to not tie up all her self esteem in one person? Is it a way of thinking or an emotion management technique or something else? How do you *do* it? How do you explain to her to do this?
I don't expect you give her a step by step guide lol, but do you say anything to her at all about how to do it? And again, if you do say something about it, I'm curious what it is.