True. I don't trust people now, only family and not all family members either, just some of them.

I don't really know how I will manage this thought/fact though. That people can fail you anytime even if they seemed like the best friend or best spouse.


The way I imagine it is being on ALERT ALL THE TIME lol, if I befriend someone, and I see they do something negative they never did before, I'm just gonna want to take care of it right away. Not ignore it!! I used to ignore it. Or I would forget about it fast if I didn't ignore it.

So maybe it can be taken care of then if the other person is a partner in sorting it out. That's OK. I trust my new antennaes for detecting problems. I did not have them before trauma. Now I can have a gut feeling that something will happen in interaction (but I don't know what specifically will happen) and it often works. It predicts negatives only though LOL, not positives


The other problem with it all though is that if I feel I am getting attached, start to care too much about someone outside family, then I think it's too much of a liability. I think I would have to run. Simply because in my state I cannot afford more risks for my emotional well-being. Maybe if I recover, I won't have to run like that.

Plus, of course if the person isn't a partner to resolving the issue - if there is something negative coming up that wasn't there before - , then I'll again run from that relationship. That's how I imagine it now, i.e. me doing new relationships.

But too much attachment (outside my mother & my sister), I would have to run from it as it is now. Even if no negative happened. Because I know I wouldn't be able to handle it if a negative did happen and then they were not a partner to sorting it out. It's too much of a roulette game to me. I know I wouldn't be able to handle it if I got the wrong colour in the game because I am simply not well enough for it now. Maybe later.



I also have a partner (boyfriend) but we are being pretty distant so he's not a liability. He probably is afraid to emotionally connect. I can't really talk to him about my emotions, feelings at all. He ignores it all. So he's not support but he's trustable and stable otherwise.


Anyway family... With parents I know it won't change for the worse, it's been long enough, my mother is old enough now too.

Same for my sister (she's not old though)

But beyond that...I don't know. I don't trust my brother fully, though he's not bad, but after this "best friendship" fell through, I just don't. I've seen him act bad like the "best friend" would too. Though overall not as bad, sure, I still saw the same negative thingy in it. I don't know how to put it into words though. I need to find the words for it.

I just know it was manipulative and it was about money. Same with "best friend".

Apart from the one manipulative thing he said (luckily just this one time), he also has had bad rages over me not putting the dishes in the dishwasher and stuff like that. (We did not have an agreement about me loading the dishwasher!)

It was when I lived in the same house as him, we lived in the same house temporarily for a year. I already ended the friendship and I already had my trauma too. So it was bad enough that I got a lock put on the door to my room after a few months, lol.

(I would've handled it fine before trauma)

I know he was stressed out because he did full time work, as a beginner programmer, he also was doing his Bsc in IT/programming, and he worked in a church too at the weekends. But it's not an excuse to me. He wasn't like that before this though. So I know these things are linked.

I am just describing all this because I want to find the words for his behaviour. Plus because it's highly relevant to me about how people can fail out of the blue

(I am on normal good terms with him now, we sorted it out back then but I don't want that bad stuff again)

It is all complex because I know he cares about family, including me. He almost got detained by the police once when he wanted to defend me in a bad situation

Glad you like the forum!

PS: This is now going to be about the former "best friend" again but: I could not talk with her about psychology like this. I tried to a few months before our final fall-out. Because that was when I got interested in psychology and healing and recovering from stuff psychologically. But she didn't care about the topic.... this forum is better yes lol