This is to give you background on my issues—I have had the same issue going on for 25 years. . This is the main issue with me, all other struggles I’ve had likely stem from this on-going one. It’s a bad marriage. The trigger is about intimacy. This is the main, if not only, real trigger in our otherwise good relationship.

So, when I get triggered and have to let the emotion pass, it does pass until I am triggered yet again. At times, I suffered intense depression for days, then the emotion lifted on its own. At times now, I get triggered (trauma reaction), and I remove myself from the room and let it pass.

I have not ended the marriage because I am torn as to how much of the problem stems from me having a disorder. One psychiatrist told me I ‘probably never would have been happy with anyone’. So, what the point of going it alone in life now? I’m scared. I’m lonely in it and lonely out of it. I can make better of my life in the relationship with or without him.

Honestly, IDK what will happen moving forward. We’ve been apart this week, on separate vacations, and maybe he’ll call it quits if I don’t first. I’m heartbroken it’s been so bad. It affected our kids. We’re all a bit messed up. It’s not all my fault nor his. It just sucks.

But, I digress… the intense emotions are temporary in those moments. Although they keep recurring, they do pass.