i don't think you're crazy. i agree with the wise and wonderful Nammu about giving you kudos to recognizing this pattern of yours though. i am also not sure how to cope with it. Perhaps working on your self-esteem may be a good way to start. Are you currently seeking a therapist? Perhaps that may Help as well. Eeveryone has certain things or patterns that we have inherited so i don't think there's nothing to be ashamed of if we can recognize it and at least try to break off from it. Please do keep us updated if you can and want to. Stay Safe. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @RDMercer, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!