My Support Forums - View Single Post - When do so-called best friends have a true friendship?

Alive99 · Jun 14, 2021, 03:37 PM

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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

So Sorry you're going through this! Please do not give up!

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that they need to show basic empathy and that they do truly care for you. It is not easy i think to truly understand if someone is your friend at least in the beginning but i think with time it may get easier. Of course i don't have much experience with true friendships so take that with a grain of salt. i also consider myself a terrible friend lol. i think this is something that may require some experience as Well. If you don't feel like your current friends aren't treating you with respect the i believe it is your right to speak up about that. Hopefully things will improve really soon for everyone. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Alive99, your Family, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thanks! You are right that it can take a while to see if it's really a relationship....it took me years to see it. Can I ask, why do you consider yourself a terrible friend?

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Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I think - based on my own experience - you’re probably right when you mentioned maybe you weren’t close enough to this person at first to notice her manipulations. They’re not always easy to spot, anyway.

Hm well I felt close to them, and I actually did notice all the sh** things she said and did but somehow I ignored that they spelled trouble. I don't know why, I really just never met anyone like that before that I would be close to so that must be why I didn't recognise it was a problem.

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I’m not saying my ex best friend was manipulative, but... she was kind of self centred, and I just never truly saw it until after she ghosted me during lockdown, when our mutual friend (by then also not friends with my ex friend/her mum) filled me in on a lot of things I hadn’t known about or realised, myself. I did consider us to be close, actually, until lockdown, though I had started feeling uncomfortable around her before the last time I saw her.

Yeah, self-centred is also a good word for it all. Plus exploitative.

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I think once people get to a certain point in life, most of them don’t change drastically unless they want to, or something out of their control happens to make them change in some way. Certainly, none of the people I’ve bumped into from high school seemed any different.

Right well, I think there was something out of her control there but that's not an excuse. Because she didn't seek professional help for some reason....which would've been her responsibility otherwise