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I had my appointment with my doctor. I was subdued. I rejected his offer of an educational program for diabetics and pre-diabetics. My sugar numbers are borderline but they've been that way for 25 years. It never gets any worse.
He knows i'm trying to go vegan. I can't attend a class and listen to someone drone on about the murder and torture of animals. My doctor does not seem to be sensitive to that.
He offered another appointment and i turned him down. He had nothing to say about my romantic disappointment and feelings of rejection.
He had nothing to say about my four pound weight loss over the last two weeks except, "Let's not concentrate on the numbers." I felt slapped across the face!
It was a miserable appointment and i ended it after ten minutes. Last time we talked for a half an hour and the time before we talked for a whole hour!
I applied for an abdominal ultra-sound weeks ago and have not heard anything back. Seems like asking for help with my pain falls on deaf ears, so why bother asking for help with it?
I felt better when i was just suffering in silence. At least then i didn't have incontrovertible evidence that no one cares and that there is no help out there for me -- something i concluded long ago and just fleetingly forgot in the fervor of my hypomania. I'll go back to suffering in silence.
I feel my Spring hypomania unravelling. I'm tired of not being able to sleep.
It's 2:00am here and i slept for five hours from 8:00pm. I doubt i cleared 1000 calories yesterday. I was still recovering from my weekend of bingeing.
I ate mostly veg and protein powder.
I feel so tired and dejected and frustrated! Why did that darn CG have to do me like that? I rarely reach out and i just get stung when i do. Teaches me not to reach out any more.
I have an IKEA bedframe to set up and it's urgent because having my bed on the floor like that is a bedbug hazard and i had a small infestation twelve years ago and live i fear of it happening again.
At the same time i live in fear of attempting to set up the IKEA furniture because it's defeated me before. I have a pile of dishes to do.
I'm still exhausted from my epic day on Friday and angry with myself for overdoing it so badly when i know only too well that it takes many days to recover from too much exercise.
Sure, it's nice to have the kitchen stocked full of good-quality vegan food and it's nice to have a pretty bathroom again, but was it worth languishing on the sofa for four days? No.
The only good news is that i ordered three bras after a lifetime of not wearing any and i need to at this weight and they are fabulous!!! They really improve my figure! I have CLEAVAGE at this weight!
One is black, one yellow and the other orange. They're so comfortable, in silky, slippery fabric, with foam inserts. They were only $11 each!!! I ordered three more. Makes me feel so SEXY!!!!!
That's the advantage of being PHAT (Pretty Hot And Thick). Nice breasts. Well, there has to be SOME advantage!
Jane.
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