The example I gave was an actual recent exchange between her and I. She didn't find fault with me, just expressed a need.

She doesn't often recognize or say anything about how much I'm carrying or how many responsibilities I have. She's been sick a long time. She is fighting to maintain her self image as a contributor to the family and household. So, I haven't voiced much.

I have told her, I need some appreciation, positivity, verbal support since years. I haven't heard her say these things. She has told me, recognizing what I do forces her to see what she can't do.

What do I do for me? Not much. I like exercising so I workout at home 2-3 times a week.

I'm at a point where any level of fault finding towards me, and I'm ready to fight for acknowledgement. I will say, my blood family growing up never acknowledged all I did and how little support I got. They gloss over years of alcoholism in retelling stories. They preach the benefits of church and applying the AA lifestyle. I've said, so where is the searching moral inventory and apologies because I never got one. Silence. I'm "difficult" for saying these things in response. The righteousness is choking.

I alternately don't want any contact with them, or crave validation from them.

Yes... codependency... I've examined that before but it hasn't been at the front of my mind lately. Definitely present.

Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful replies.