Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
Poshgirl, I'm sorry for what you're carrying. Truly sorry.
My wife has had a chronic long term (years) illness. I've been the sole income earner for a long time, and take on more than half the parenting and household chores.
She went through surgery last month, and one of our kids, and they are both recuperating. Kid had bern sore for a year with multiple ER trips. I took him to all of them.
Wife's friend lost her husband, so I've helped with that home and yard as well. Elderly family members need support, and they have no one else nearby within 60 minutes, so I've picked up some responsibilities there.
I didn't think I had too much on my plate until I wrote that out just now. That looks like a lot.
My blood family.... One parent had health issues and was an alcoholic. I didn't accept I was GIVEN, a lot of responsibility by the other parent. Despite traumas, losses, whatever, I met my family responsibilities and passed everything in school. I worked the whole time, since middle school.
I'm good at NOT talking about my emotions.
I also have always felt like other people's emotions and needs were more important, and that I had to fight to be heard.
So for the last month or so here, I've been a d.ck. If my wife says, "I need some support," I'm replying, "Why do you always find fault? Why can't you give me some credit for all I'm doing?"
I don't want to be like that.
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Thanks RDMercer, but your problems are far more serious than mine.
You have been there for your wife, children, elderly relatives, friends. Your plate is indeed full! Often we don't realise the extent of our commitments until writing them down. Can I be bold and say it is normal for men not to express emotion. Unless you are "wired" in a different way, this will always be an obstacle.
As a number of wise members of this forum recently said to me "you cannot change how an elderly person behaves (my mother's 86), if that behaviour has been their norm. In these situations, we do expect validation and the disappointment can be huge. Especially when you've committed so much time and energy into helping them, at the expense of your own wants and needs.
It's understandable to feel "used". Silence can be as bad as poor responses. You are not being a d**k, you're being human. This situation has stirred emotions probably because you are mentally tired. That can be worse than physical. Make some time for yourself like hobbies or just going for a walk. Write down more, it can release the tension you are feeling. Is there no one in your wife's family who can help?
There's a quote used by someone on this forum which is very true. Hope I can remember the exact words. "You cannot change something, but you can change how you deal with it".
