The thing is I figured it out 3.5 years ago lol , practically within a few weeks after the whole problem started.

I never have been able to find the external help though. No one ever bothered to help me with it IRL by truly happily paying attention to me about it. And online, I think only that strict approach would work. I've tried the informal approach online with a few people on this forum and elsewhere too, but it didn't work for long.

3.5 years ago I remember I talked to two therapists/psychiatrists about how I need this, but they ignored me even though I was really clearly in distress strongly from feeling so overwhelmed trying to do it all alone.

And I have a social worker I've been going to for over 3 years once a week (except it was only email during lockdown). She's a really nice, cool, fun woman. But she didn't really take me seriously about it either.


I don't understand why nobody does, I mean IRL they don't. Yes to be precise - That family member once did give attention but that was the result of a fight too because asking nicely for it did not work.

Mystery to me as to why no one takes it seriously IRL. My mother says I seem just fine because I'm able to smile around her and other family members. Maybe that has to do with it. With not being taken seriously with this issue, I mean.

I could totally fall on my knees and put a plea out there but I don't know how. These 3.5 years have been so long.

And I was not able to work for 15 hours in one go tonight/this morning. Nope I got half of it done and then I saw I wasn't gonna be done soon enough with the rest for the deadline (((((((((((

I took two Xanax to try and sleep before I continue working on it but I'm not feeling well at all.

I'd really like some support with this, somewhere, somehow. It's just too horrible as it is now.

I lost a fun online friend over it too, she said OK she'll try to help in the "strict" way but then she freaked out and we never started on it and then it just went down the drain, the whole friendship thingy. But it's ok, it was online only.

It's just funny how so many people keep telling me to think about it, or do whatever else, or just plain ignore it when I am directly stating my need. I don't understand what's the rocket science about it. It's simple words and I express it directly. What doesn't work about it with people????

(I'm not asking anyone on this forum to help me with it though, I'm just pouring out in general about the whole mess with these 3.5 years)


End of pouring out ..... I can never share this with anyone IRL ......


(I put that above in bold and big letters too be sure no one misunderstands me!!!!! I am not demanding anything here!!!!!!!!! Becuase last night on the chat on this site I asked for help with "brainstorming" to figure out where to look for some place where they would be able and willing to help and I just got some horrible response there too So I wanna make sure it doesn't come off the wrong way!!!!!!!!!!!)



That is cool. You see, this is the thingy that just doesn't work for me in recent years (3.5 years). I just can't plan it out nicely like that and execute that plan. I used to be fine with it, before this problem started.

I don't understand why, other than, I really need that external point.


Good luck with your portfolio!