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Originally Posted by poshgirl
Can I be bold and say it is normal for men not to express emotion. Unless you are "wired" in a different way, this will always be an obstacle.
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It's not an obstacle!! It's just how it is. It doesn't have to be a problem or an obstacle.
OK maybe I need to clarify that a bit more lol. So, I mean that yeah, it's normal for some people (usually men, some women too) to not express much emotion or not express certain emotions at least, stuff that other people express way more easily.
But that's not a disadvantage in most situations...emotion processing is just handled differently, is all. More privately and stuff.
The problem is only if you neglect to do the processing even in private and if you completely neglect any kind of expressing whatsoever, which for sure can happen when guys (or gals!!
) become workaholics and stuff like that.
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As a number of wise members of this forum recently said to me "you cannot change how an elderly person behaves (my mother's 86), if that behaviour has been their norm. In these situations, we do expect validation and the disappointment can be huge. Especially when you've committed so much time and energy into helping them, at the expense of your own wants and needs.
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There is the problem......that ignores healthy boundaries. You shouldn't help anyone if it's at the expense of your own wants and needs. It's not healthy, it will not lead anywhere. I learned the hard way!!
To be clear, I don't mean to say to not be there for people in need, I'm not saying that at all. But it can't become some regular thing where you start to have this as an actual *lifestyle* and neglect your own needs and wants, and yes, neglect emotions.
Because you gotta neglect emotions if you want to keep going with only helping others, neglecting yourself, and if at the same time you want to avoid too much pain and suffering doing this unhealthy stuff....
There is a Childhood emotional neglect section somewhere on the forum, that sorta relates to this too. Though I don't work the way that that stuff assumes all people work like, it still provided me with some useful understanding.
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It's understandable to feel "used". Silence can be as bad as poor responses. You are not being a d**k, you're being human. This situation has stirred emotions probably because you are mentally tired. That can be worse than physical. Make some time for yourself like hobbies or just going for a walk. Write down more, it can release the tension you are feeling. Is there no one in your wife's family who can help?
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Yeah!, make time for yourself is part of how you get out of the thing with overdoing the help and duties.