Ah. What is this intimacy trigger? Is he like cold and unresponsive to you? Or is this something entirely different?
^He is preoccupied with his media distractions and negative obsessive anxiety thoughts. He and I have never been able to work out a way that we mutually enjoy regarding the initiation of intimacy. It turned into a cycle of emotional abuse. Part of my concern is I have a history of trauma and think I am adding to this cycle and that’s where I think a disorder comes into play. But he is definitely doing his part in a bad way and unable to learn and repair it. The more we have tried to fix it, the worse it has gotten.




I see, yeah, Ive been low for days too about things before but I don't want my life to be like that. That is exactly what I mean by, it passes too slowly, I lose too much time, it gets in the way too much, for too long. So the idea that it will pass doesn't help me whatsoever.
^It is helping me to know in the moment of panic that the feelings will pass. It’s like someone who gets caught in an undertow in the ocean and starts struggling to stay afloat, knowing that the waters will subside soon and they will not drown.




I think that psychiatrist was horribly unprofessional. Unfortunately, those exist.
^Thank you for this. I think it was horrible, too. I drove home hysterically crying and never went back there. It has weighed on my mind heavily because I fear she may be right.

Tbh I really don't see how you having an emotional disorder matters when it comes to how you feel in the marriage.
^Thank you so much for this! I don’t have this trauma reaction across the board from anything else, only this one thing (and the he doesn’t have my back thing) with him




Yeah it sounds like it sucks a lot. Really hope you'll be OK moving forward here.





Thank for the stories. Somehow it helps reading about these things. Maybe it gives me perspective.

PS: I haven't yet noticed your emotional disorder on here.