Trying to draw from my own experience, one helpful thing to do is to nurture yourself as much as you can, body and soul. Like, for the first part, eating well, but also sometimes indulging in (chocolate, ice cream, or chocolate ice cream, or whatever works for you that's still relatively harmless). Resting as much as you need. I think this might have worked better for me if I'd been more successful in doing it consistently. It still helped some. Actually, speaking of resting, physical activity also helped when I could convince myself to. For the second, what works for me when I'm in that "forsaken child" state was 1. nice warm and soft blanket and fluffy things 2. colors - visual (coloring books/app, walking in the nature, arts, whatever works), but also in music. 3. music - I have a list of go-to pieces for various purposes 4. listening to tales / stories I used to like or looks like I might.

Also, having found a new therapist is working for me so far, but I might be very lucky to have found one that 1. Didn't trigger the same sort of transference (though I'm not sure how well it'll work if I stop holding back) 2. was able to find a good balance between supportive/validating and neutral when talking about xT, 3. is fine with my still not being over xT lol. 4. has been good at handling the small not-even-ruptures that we had and is willing to talk about the relationship. Still scared of testing it too hard, but she already handled a number of things that xT would have interpreted as resistance or personal attack or in some other way a sign of me being unsatisfactory.

As for being 'too much' ... well yes, some clients that are more 'difficult' than others, and therefore fewer therapists are equipped to work with them. Like, trauma processing tends to be hard on the therapist as well, intense anger/negative transferences also, but that's no excuse to just boot them when things start to get difficult. It's the therapists' responsibility to know their limitations, have a sense of what sort of problems they can safely treat, notice when they!re close to reaching their limit and try to handle it without the least possible harm to the client. Or should be. But many of them, like this one, refuse to admit they're (or can be at all) out of their depth, try to carry on as long as they can, then blame the client when they fail.