I believe I have more to add. I am becoming so comfortable with this illness that it is just going to pop out of me. I feel like I'm becoming so comfortable with it that it will seem like less and less every day. Then I will not seem to notice it. I'm one of the lucky ones. I'll just get in this drifting attitude of wanting to pass on through life. Once it happens I will savor those moments. Because it's so near to feel like this disorder is less on my plate, I can move on. And it's coming along every day. I believe that I have this gift with it. I think so but cannot seem to be able to comment on it. It's apparent that it wants to tease me. I think some of it is the worst insults I've ever heard. It's just blabbering on and I'm like, "According to what happened, you're trying to convince me of the dumbest **** on earth and it is just word salad coming out. And you trying to convince me of some of the dumbest things I've ever even fathomed could be said means you think I'm beyond dumb." So I know it's myself my brain malfunctioning because I think that may be a characteristic of myself.