So Sorry you're going through this! Please do not give up! i think i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about contacting a therapist or requesting support. There's nothing to be ashamed of in asking for Help at least i think so. It does seem like you may need some Help or Support. Please try not to take any of this too personally. Hopefully things will improve soon for everyone. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @ruby2011, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!