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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
^Thank you so, so much for this! I get along well with just about everybody and don’t lose it aside from the triggers from these very specific things! Thank you for seeing this and giving me validation! 
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Glad if I could help.
What you say here makes sense, yes!
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^He is preoccupied with his media distractions and negative obsessive anxiety thoughts. He and I have never been able to work out a way that we mutually enjoy regarding the initiation of intimacy. It turned into a cycle of emotional abuse. Part of my concern is I have a history of trauma and think I am adding to this cycle and that’s where I think a disorder comes into play. But he is definitely doing his part in a bad way and unable to learn and repair it. The more we have tried to fix it, the worse it has gotten.
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Hmm. If you mean initiation of physical intimacy, I'm not going to pry about that of course. But if it is about emotional intimacy, if you don't mind saying more on it I'd be interested. Maybe it would help. And media distractions, do you mean he spends time with online stuff rather than with you?
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^It is helping me to know in the moment of panic that the feelings will pass. It’s like someone who gets caught in an undertow in the ocean and starts struggling to stay afloat, knowing that the waters will subside soon and they will not drown.
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Ah that makes sense, yes. Yeah, that actually explains everything lol!! Thank you. That was a great description really. So I didn't understand these articles/books before because I don't experience my emotions in this way. What I do have with the emotions, it's more like, my brain puts that block on them so I do not feel the emotion flood like you described it but they do get in the way in this manner and then that takes forever to get past. I don't remember if I said this in this thread (I'm tired) but frankly, if I'm past the block and I have the strong emotions, I'm already good or will be good soon. I will deal with them OK. But it's just, takes time to get there.
Tbh, another way to put it.... my brain just stonewalls on the emotions to avoid the flood. I can see it sometimes that I do actually have some very bad negative emotion, I get a glimpse of it and then my brain stonewalls on it instantly. Because um, I don't have thoughts to fix the emotions in those moments. That is what I am trying to work on too, to have thoughts from more emotional* and psychological processing.
*: When the emotions do finally come up then I'm forced to deal with them by finding thoughts, solutions to not drown in the stuff. The psychological (mental) processing I am able to do while the emotions are blocked. That helps too, as preparation, and I can use that preparation whenever I eventually get to them .....
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
The psychiatrist was referring to my having unstable interpersonal relationships.  |
Like with your husband? Did he like overgeneralise from that quickly? It sounds like that to me because this psychiatrist was specifically referring to romantic relationships, right? He could use some CBT therapy himself
To learn about his own thinking distortions, such as overgeneralising.
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It’s been too hard for me to get to the truth about what is ‘wrong’ with me, how much of it is coming from me vs. how much comes from the other person. I’m too obsessed with trying to figure this out, and the answers are elusive.
Again, best to disengage.
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Are you taking blame from others / from your husband? Even if subconsciously? Because in my experience, this obsession comes from having taken up the blame subconsciously when others find it too comfortable to accuse you of stuff. Or maybe it was the psychiatrist, he also sounds like he was too comfortable with accusing you instead of a constructive and professional approach.
And yeah if it's blame like that then yep, disengaging is the right response for it. Lol your thread helped me do it too!!