Glad if I could help.

What you say here makes sense, yes!



Hmm. If you mean initiation of physical intimacy, I'm not going to pry about that of course. But if it is about emotional intimacy, if you don't mind saying more on it I'd be interested. Maybe it would help. And media distractions, do you mean he spends time with online stuff rather than with you?
^He sits with me in front of the tv while he is also on his iphone. Life is soooooo dull!

^It’s about physical intimacy. I thought all was fine in the beginning, then issues started, and we never worked them out. Having looked back on my life prior to him (met at age 26), I had some issues with other guys, but just thought they weren’t for me and that was normal…now, I’m not so sure.

Ah that makes sense, yes. Yeah, that actually explains everything lol!! Thank you. That was a great description really. So I didn't understand these articles/books before because I don't experience my emotions in this way. What I do have with the emotions, it's more like, my brain puts that block on them so I do not feel the emotion flood like you described it but they do get in the way in this manner and then that takes forever to get past. I don't remember if I said this in this thread (I'm tired) but frankly, if I'm past the block and I have the strong emotions, I'm already good or will be good soon. I will deal with them OK. But it's just, takes time to get there.

Tbh, another way to put it.... my brain just stonewalls on the emotions to avoid the flood. I can see it sometimes that I do actually have some very bad negative emotion, I get a glimpse of it and then my brain stonewalls on it instantly. Because um, I don't have thoughts to fix the emotions in those moments. That is what I am trying to work on too, to have thoughts from more emotional* and psychological processing.
^I feel and can recognize exactly what emotions I am feeling. I have a hard time holding back and that’s what brings about the hysterical crying. Now I am trying to just walk away and not go down the well of those emotions. It’s working. Maybe I cried myself out.

*: When the emotions do finally come up then I'm forced to deal with them by finding thoughts, solutions to not drown in the stuff. The psychological (mental) processing I am able to do while the emotions are blocked. That helps too, as preparation, and I can use that preparation whenever I eventually get to them .....




Like with your husband? Did he like overgeneralise from that quickly? It sounds like that to me because this psychiatrist was specifically referring to romantic relationships, right? He could use some CBT therapy himself To learn about his own thinking distortions, such as overgeneralising.
^I had trauma since young childhood; a verbally abusive mother, a MI father who died. When I tell this to a therapist, I instantly get the ‘attachment issue’ diagnosis. I had strange friendships that were not necessarily unhealthy, just that I am attracted to them. I had boyfriends before marriage that were also strange, not entirely bad…just not so good for me. Again, I’ve been attracted to that and one must wonder why. So, I get thrown into the ‘difficult interpersonal relationships’ diagnosis because I have/do have them. My mother is likely someone with a disorder but wouldn’t hear of anyone criticizing her in any way. She, my husband, and some of my family members I call ‘empathy challenged’.



Are you taking blame from others / from your husband? Even if subconsciously? Because in my experience, this obsession comes from having taken up the blame subconsciously when others find it too comfortable to accuse you of stuff. Or maybe it was the psychiatrist, he also sounds like he was too comfortable with accusing you instead of a constructive and professional approach.
^I felt she was a real B. What a horrible, unhelpful, callous thing for a therapist to say! Did she want me to feel hopeless? It stuck under my skin because I am very sensitive and I give credence to her expert opinion.

And yeah if it's blame like that then yep, disengaging is the right response for it. Lol your thread helped me do it too!!