And it was pretty awkward. First I saw her walking from her car into the building. She saw me and I didn’t want to go in with her but she knew I was there and she was trying to catch my attention and it was uncomfortable.

Then as soon as I got into her office we talked about my surgery and the pain and my anxiety over things. Then I said I needed to talk to her and I said “don’t get mad, but do you think things are working out between us?” And she said “ohhh” and made a dramatic sad face. And I said I felt like our personality’s clashed and I said it was me and not her (a total lie) and she said she was sad but wasn’t taking it personally. So she asked me what I was looking for in a therapist and I told her and she went through the other therapists pictures and at one point she showed me one and said “how about her? Pretty red hair.” Which annoyed me because I don’t want a therapist who has good hair I want one that will work well with me because I’m trans and autistic. Then we agreed on someone and she has to email her and see if she has room and then it’s just gonna be a bunch of emails all around.

Then she said “but don’t worry. I won’t take it personally. Well maybe a little. Haha just kidding.” And that rubbed me the wrong way too.

Then when we were done she said “ooh I gotta use the bathroom” and rushed off making all these gross grunting noises and didn’t walk me out.

And after the bathroom thing is when I just had it with her and I’ll be willing to be on a waiting list if I have to instead of seeing her again.

But my old T thought this one would be perfect for me. Guess not. I was assertive though and I didn’t tell her she did strange things that made me uncomfortable. I just told her our personality’s clashed and she was more exuberant and I was more quieter then she was.

But man what another mess of a session with her.