I can totally relate. I met a guy from an online dating site 3 years ago. We've been talking for quite a while so I decided to meet him. We also agreed that we are just casually dating, so nothing serious. He also said he doesn't believe in love and things like that. I was okay with it, but as we continued going out, I started really liking him. After some months, he told me that his company was sending him to another country. I was sad but of course, there was nothing I could do about that.

After a month, I went out with another guy who quickly got rid of me after 2 months. I was still texting that guy I met online and one day I decided to visit him abroad because I was actually dying to see him even though I knew it meant nothing. He came back to my country and I was happy about it. A few months later, he texted me saying he has a girlfriend. It really broke my heart because he was the one always saying that he didn't believe in love. I just said congratulations and I was happy for him. It's ridiculous but I felt like, was I worth anything to anyone? I realize how stupid it is now.

Months passed and he suddenly told me that he broke up with his girlfriend. I was also dating someone else. What really hurt me was when he said they've been together for 2 years. That's even before we met, so I told him I was very angry about him lying to me. He said sorry and I accepted it. I couldn't let him go even though I was so upset. I hated myself for it.

They got back together after a while and he asked me to do something for him and his girlfriend believing that I would do that as a friend. I declined and stopped talking to him. Then, COVID happened. I thought I was infected when my dad got it, so I thought I can't die without talking to him for the last time. Ever since then, we started texting again and it became more and more often. Every single day we exchanged messages and pictures. We sometimes even call each other. I never asked about the girlfriend. I knew we were just friends, though. I was just happy and thought I'd just enjoy this while it lasted.

Just last month, he started telling me about his girlfriend again and even though I thought I'd forgotten about the hurt, I realized I didn't. It triggered my depression. I forgot to mention it earlier, but he was the reason my depression was triggered 3 times in the past 3 years. Then, he started telling me that I should move on from the past and find a boyfriend. He said that my life shouldn't stop just because I had a bad experience before, and the "worst" that could happen if I get hurt again is that I get a panic attack. I was furious because over the past few years, he never actually listened to my struggles with depression and just believed it was a panic attack. And so, I decided to end my stupidity.

For almost a month now, I stopped talking to him. I thought of just ghosting him, but that's very immature. He was asking me what was wrong and I just told him I was sick. I also told him it'll take time for me to recover, so I won't be texting him. It was vague but I figured he understood what I meant. I let go and I'd never go back. I knew right from the start that there was nothing between us, but I was just obsessed with him. Now, I'm better without him. I don't miss the texts or calls anymore. I don't feel anything for him anymore.

I think it's better to let go of people who are never meant for us.