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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
When we first met was in 8th grade (age 13). She was the class clown. She was always loud and obnoxious, but I thought she was hilarious. The other kids didn’t like her. I became her friend because she was fun. She was like an old person in a young person’s body because she had elderly parents and they lived in an elderly building. Have you heard of the comic Don Rickles? Imagine a 13 y/o but with his comedy routine!
But as we grew up she didn’t mature. Instead she got really out there and not funny. I’m ashamed to tell many things here. One thing she did I couldn’t stand at the end was she’d harass waiters when we were in restaurants. She’d joke with them but in a very insulting way. She said shocking things. She would even harass people at other tables! Then she said she was ‘walking on eggshells’ with me because I needed her to act like a polite adult, lol.
She had developed a gambling problem in later years. That’s why she started asking her friends for money. She’d never pay it back. I stopped giving it to her because I didn’t want to enable her addiction. Yeah, she really was a user in the later years. 
One last time with her at a restaurant with my youngest son, she went off on me in a barrage of insults (unprovoked, I was even paying for dinner!). She was purposely trying to make me look bad to my son. |
Ahh I see. I am sorry about all that.... Makes sense too, I understand what the problem was with her. I was thinking about this, in a close & long-term relationship we need to be able to take each other's worst sides. Because we are going to inevitably show the worst side sooner or later lol. And at the same time, you need to be able to keep up a level of psychological growth, psychological maturity so your worst side doesn't get worse later. Because then eventually no one will be able to deal with that worst side of you (general you).
I think that happened there with your friend. Some people may have been able to take her bad side more easily, but at one point if it gets bad enough, no one will be able to anymore.
That is maybe just based on my experience, because that is exactly how it was with my "friend". I was the person who was able to deal with her bad side the most (of all people who've known her). But she didn't get better, but worse instead, so I had to pay through the nose for it in the end. Again, I learned a lot from it of course. Not much else to say about that.
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Why do you think your friend became so enraged?
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Yeah that is the part I don't totally understand. These stories of these two "friends" like I described it, did it give you any ideas about that?
I reread my own post after describing these stories. I realised then that I forgot to say more on how it was sad that that old middle-school friend or "friend" got in this crap situation and wasn't even fully responsible for it because it was her mother essentially who dragged her into it. Her mother should've been a role model for her, but instead she pulled her into this crap way of living life. It must be really humiliating having to go around regularly and ask everyone you know for money and beg and everything.
Though she&her mother didn't beg me for it, they were doing something else....something toxic. I am not sure how to verbalise that. Maybe guilt trippy stuff. Some kind of emotional blackmail. I don't know more specifically. It was too long ago, I don't remember what exactly they were saying. It doesn't even matter, maybe if I get to see and notice it about more people doing that (not doing it to me lol, hopefully I can just be an observer of such events) I'll figure it out eventually.
I am trying to put a name on what the "best friend" did too, other than this generic phrasing "emotional blackmail", "toxic stuff" and things like that. I know it was all that but I want to find pretty specific labels for the emotional stuff involved. Because that helps me process, recognise and accept what happened.