Oh more on the middle school "friend".... I really wish I would've been able to recognise back then what to say to her about all that mess. Something about how she is in "bad company" (her mother not doing her responsibility) and needs to find help other than just living in the moment and getting money to get through every day. But see I can't word it well even now, let alone back then. But yeah I never hated her or blamed her or anything like that. She was kind of naive even if a bit manipulative. She was really just young (I was too) and lost. That is how the "best friend" was too. She actually kept saying she feels lost. Except she wasn't young anymore when it all became toxic and she did get more manipulative and exploitative than the middle school "friend".



The "best friend" I think did end up behaving really hateful and callous by the end, yeah. Not just to me. I've recalled more bits of memories and put them together like I never did before and felt shocked this morning. The memories came up suddenly this morning. (It's what I have to deal with every day. I am used to it now. Stoic and all, lol.) It was about a mutual acquaintance. I realised, putting memories together, that he was exploited really bad too, by the "best friend". I recognised this years ago but I did not take it in fully like I did now. I didn't put together as many bits of memories about it before.

He was pulled in just like I was pulled in by her. I wrote so much more on this, on how many caring guys she exploited, but I deleted it. It's a sad, horrible story and I don't understand why I ignored this part of the story before.

It's sad and pathetic because the guys she couldn't exploit, she kept hoping about getting something from them, staying around them like totally naive or something. Dunno, it's not something I care to analyse.


I was the only person she was willing to see IRL. She did even go to a movie once or twice with me. All the other times though.... unlike a long time ago when we were just normal friends meeting....., all the other times it was me bringing something to her that she could use (money as well, various other things too). I was suspicious of that but she always seemed happy to see me and at the end of these meets she always said "let's talk more", and we would chat or something while I was going home. I will never know for sure if she really felt like doing that but probably not. Because near the end she blurted out once that she "hated talking".

Nevermind that now. So the young guy I was thinking of above.


He was a young guy, a depressed guy, he did work but had an average salary and lived with a toxic family. He ended up feeling some kind of strong love for her even though they never met - she did meet me IRL a lot, but she didn't ever meet him even when he begged to meet.

He was obsessed about helping her somehow. He bought her an iphone, he bought her a laptop !!!!, for a while he paid part of her public transport pass (I did too), he contributed to her school fees (I did too). He tried to tell her nice things, encourage her, but she decided he was just bull****ting her when he was encouraging like that and she talked really callous about him to me. To him directly too.

When I remembered this morning that he bought a whole laptop for her (years ago laptops weren't that cheap here in this country and he really had a very average salary!) and how she said things to me about how he's bull****ting her when he was just trying to encourage her and was trying to find options for her to help her, I was just done. It was too much and too shocking. Who the fu** treats people like that?

She must have thought the same way about me..... That I was "just" bull****ting her. I know for a fact that she did, actually.

I have not asked him if he's okay. I tried to contact him before but he didn't respond.