I'll try and make this opinion really all-encompassing.... So it's like.

It's very possible that it's neither of you. And that it's not solely the way you fit or don't fit. That would be one part of it, like I said that thing about some people handling the worst side of us better than others. Or there is the factor of good chemistry and all that. But it could be that you two were a moderately good fit, or even a very good fit and then life stresses would be wearing down the relationship without enough support. Like.... no psychoeducation in school about how to do marriage with a person very different from you (of the opposite sex), or any other support, from a good support network, both for you and for him. Or enough financial support, with economic difficulties or covid lockdowns now. And so on.

So, all that together could be it. Sorry if this sounds trivial. I just think that looking inside ourselves does not solve everything, it is of course needed but we have to look outside too, around us to see what factors are at play beyond our own internals. You seem stuck at examining your insides looking at your own role, not getting anywhere and this may be (part of) the reason for it. I hope this helps a little.