Dear T,

Where are you? I need to hear from you. I don't know if I can do this. I feel awful for feeling like this but I feel like I am going out of my mind. I can't slow down or stop these thoughts. I can't stop searching for information. Hours and hours looking for a tiny snippet that might give me some indication of what is going on, but yet I find nothing. All my attempts to distract myself are failing. I am taking care of myself in as such as I am showering, eating and going to work, but honestly that's about the extent of it. Oh, and I am writing my book too, but to be truthful this just means that you are still at the forefront of my mind. Maybe I need to revisit the whole idea of self care. I might have a bath tonight and watch the rest of the sewing bee. That might be a nice thing to do. Leave my phone out of the bathroom too. I just don't know what else to do to get away from it all.

I wonder whether I text you, just a quick check in text on the weekend. Would that be appropriate I wonder? I am debating asking Old T if she thinks it might be appropriate, but I'm a big girl now, I need to make that decision for myself I think.

I really didn't expect to find it this difficult!!

Hoping you are ok. Hoping you are still there. At least I have WhatsApp to check you are still logging in...

Me x