Only you can decide the right thing to do, for you. Whether you will be able to make a change afterwards, if it turns out not to be the best thing later on, that's also up to you.

I think you have to really research why you feel indebted to do this.
Why does it feel the right thing to do?
Will it still be the right thing when it totally changes your life, and your husbands? And maybe even affect
everyone you know?

Nursing homes can be ok places. Yes, to receive medicaid, you have to have moved your funds at least 3 years prior to your needing medicaid, otherwise you can lose them.

I don't understand why she loses treatment if she enters hospice; my dad didn't.

Maybe there's another option for her that hasn't been found? Keep looking.

Please remember that a relative's decision to not plan for their end of life situation is not a good enough reason for another relative to feel indebted to take care of them. We, as adults, must live with our decisions, even if one of them is to decide not to make plans.