Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
The reasons you mentioned in your last two posts are all correct. I did not have good role models coming from a dysfunctional family. I certainly did not learn anything in school.  It is a basic communication, compatibility issues.
You mentioned in a friendship you show each other your worst qualities. I haven’t found that to be true in my friendships. With a friend, I keep more boundaries, so my worst does not show as we don’t get that close. It’s always on a more polite level. But in a marriage, yes, our worst qualities can’t be contained!
I am trying very hard to contain my worst by walking away and disengaging. |
You accidentally mentioned something here that I found really helpful. You said that you don't get that close with friends. And yeah, I think I didn't have an actually quality friendship so I don't really know when these "friends" would get too close to me. Especially the "best friend". Like they would ask for too much help and stuff. And then would eventually show their worst sides and stuff like that, yeah.
I don't understand how that happened. I do know when it was when she pulled me into her issues with drama. But I don't understand how it could even happen in the first place. I always explained it away to myself with "she was in a really really bad place so she just tried to find help wherever she could". But with your note, it just doesn't seem to make sense anymore, this explanation. Yeah, I don't know what this was.
As for your disengaging: yeah it sounds like a good direction
...maybe the problem with marriage is seeing each other too much so it's hard to hide the worst sides, especially with lockdown lol
But I hope your husband is also trying to do the disengaging. Or it would be pretty imbalanced eventually.