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Originally Posted by snakeswithhats
- mentions of sh, not detailed !!
Today I had an appointment with a counselor, I’ve never had any therapy before. She was recommended to my sibling and I. I thought it was one on one counseling for the both of us but it turns out it was family counseling and she pretty much forced us to reveal personal things in front of our mom. She destroyed any trust I might have for her in the first day, she made all of my feelings worse. She didn’t care to check what our boundaries were and instantly asked about our history with cutting. We’ve been lying to our mom that we stopped cutting so we told her the same story, that we haven’t cut since we moved in (we moved in a few months back due to the loss of a family member) because we know our mom would notice unlike our past household. My sibling stopped now but has very strong urges and I haven’t stopped. The counselor says she thinks it’s strange that we could stop so suddenly and starts prying for more information. She asked us on a scale of 1 to 10 how likely we would cut tonight or be tempted to cut and to my surprise my sibling answered honestly and said 7. I didn’t know how to answer because I can’t exactly put that on a scale and also because I didn’t know if she’d believe the lie anymore and I didn’t know if it’d be better to be honest at this point but I was very uncomfortable. I said “I really don’t know how to answer” and she replied with “yeah I’m not letting you get away with that, I need an answer.” I stopped talking because I was starting to panic. She said instead of answering with a number I could just say if I’ve been tempted to cut or thought about how I could get away with it. I answered honestly and she told my mom to regularly make us remove our clothes except for underwear so she could inspect us for cuts. I was horrified, not so much about the scars but I’m very uncomfortable revealing my body and things would never be the same with my mom if she made me do that. Now I start freaking out and try to tune out the conversation. She notices and says she really wants to know what I’m thinking but I stay silent. She keeps prying and trying to get me to talk and I’m fully panicking at this point. She made me want to cut even more, I don’t want to see her again or ever say anything more to her.
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yes thats what "family therapy" is... working on the problems of each family member as a family unit. my family has a "family therapy" and each of us also have "individual therapy" where the same therapist who is doing family therapy is the same one we all meet with individually.
it may feel strange at first having to disclose your self injury thoughts and actions but back in the day when this was one of my issues I discovered that my self injuring was not just "my issue" to deal with. it was my whole family that was also dealing with it. they were trying to figure out why I self injured, what they could do to help me, what they did wrong that made me do such a thing as want to hurt myself. and much more.
if I wasnt honest then they would also continue to struggle with this too.
this is the first session right so maybe give it some time. the therapist was probably trying to get a "baseline" a starting point of where you and your brother and the rest of the family was. this way you and the therapist would be able to see whether progress is really being made, whether more services are needed and so on.
I know that its not comfortable for you to begin dealing with your cutting as a family. maybe at the next session ask about having a few individual sessions to get you comfortable with taking about your problem in a 1 to 1 basis, then add the family therapy unit one at a time. example after a time you and just your mom have some sessions together then add another family member so that its three and so on.
Family therapy does get easier as you go along.