I have been doing some journaling, I started that a couple years ago, trying to make sense of the last relationship that went horribly wrong. With this guy too, I'll write out things that bother me. I have seen the real attributes about him, it's related to his faith and the work he does. But it doesn't change the fact that he went from being supportive friend, to saying I love you, to dropping the whole idea of anything going further.

I'm not a child and he's sometimes come across as patronizing. I need people who support me, not tell me what they think I did wrong. Not at my age. I'll give one example. I was crying and trembling, my brother had assaulted me. He punched me in the chest, because I said all that alcohol (he was giving my father a bottle of brandy a day) wasn't good for him. My brother was constantly aggravating me while I was living with my father caregiving for him. Disgusting words he called me.

Anyways, after the punch I felt like calling the police. My father said no, and I didn't want to disrupt the family because he loved my brother greatly. But I texted this man I'm talking about, and he was all for my brother still must be great guy, and no don't call the police you'll ruin his life. Excuse me but I was put right back in my mind to the other abuses that happened to me. And he was saying deep down he's a great guy but didn't know a thing about my brother.

That's gone, but i have 2 siblings that have both been controlling and abusive in my life. I tried explaining my mental health, the reasons for it, how I grew up, and he put me down by saying maybe I dreamt all that up.

That's enough for now, that gives me plenty just there to not want anything to do with this man. I had forgotten those things. I tend to remember the positives of people and it drowns out the most obvious negative reasons not to be involved. He did do things that felt supportive. But I'm done with his games. He did text, and this will sound silly. But there's many times he puts x or o's after, and then there's times he stops. It's his way of saying he's no longer interested. We aren't in high school, so the whole thing about leaving x's and o's seems childish. This man is another boy in a mans body. He won't admit that. I need another coffee.

I'm going to focus on myself and my needs. I realized that I don't need a man. It's nice to have one, but it's not a priority anymore. Took me years to get to this point. THanks to everyone