Quote:
Originally Posted by Alive99
You accidentally mentioned something here that I found really helpful. You said that you don't get that close with friends. And yeah, I think I didn't have an actually quality friendship so I don't really know when these "friends" would get too close to me. Especially the "best friend". Like they would ask for too much help and stuff. And then would eventually show their worst sides and stuff like that, yeah.
I don't understand how that happened. I do know when it was when she pulled me into her issues with drama. But I don't understand how it could even happen in the first place. I always explained it away to myself with "she was in a really really bad place so she just tried to find help wherever she could". But with your note, it just doesn't seem to make sense anymore, this explanation. Yeah, I don't know what this was.
As for your disengaging: yeah it sounds like a good direction  ...maybe the problem with marriage is seeing each other too much so it's hard to hide the worst sides, especially with lockdown lol
But I hope your husband is also trying to do the disengaging. Or it would be pretty imbalanced eventually. |
Yes, I think a friend relationship is less intimate than a committed romantic one. I keep more boundaries with friends, so I don’t overstep and lose the friendship. Friends like you because you have something in common, like to do things together, give each other moral support but not to the point of it becoming overbearing, friends don’t want to get too caught up in your drama, friends will be generous but do not want to feel taken advantage of like they are being used. There is a give and take with friendship- each much make effort to maintain the connection.
Romantic relationships go farther. This may be my own faulty thinking, where I am overstepping boundaries and becoming codependent. Maybe I shouldn’t think of them as much more than I do of platonic friends and we’d get along better.
