If I stay where I am, working in people's homes where I'm reminded of what grad school professors said, I'm terrified I won't heal. Since November, I'm reminded every day that I'm not good enough, that I am not healthy enough to be there for others.

Last night, I wrote my two weeks notice. Of course the boss wants to know why. He says I'm good, but I feel like I say the wrong thing constantly, and I don't have support. I have called and emailed my supervisor, and gotten no response. If I really need something, going to boss/owner is the only way to get support.... Which is just B.S.

I really want to get healthy, get off meds and figure out what I want and not just what I semi enjoy, or have little support.

In grad school, the professors wanted me to do a different degree but I didn't want to do it. Maybe I should have.... Maybe not.

I do have a second job, that is physically challenging but financially worth it. I want to get healthy and having the physical challenge would help me get healthy.

I feel stuck!! I feel like I'm worth little, because I don't say the right thing in the right way, at the right time. It all comes out wrong. And the other person takes it wrong, and then it blows up in my face. Every time I miss saying something, I'm terrified of getting hurt, then I push back and run away from hurt to keep myself safe. It's not working, and I need space to heal.

Yet, I called the old boss, and I'm terrified of saying I've had a trauma response every day for months, and I feel it's affecting me and everyone around me. And I feel awful.

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