I really appreciate that! I find this helpful for sure. I do have some question too below where it's unclear etc.



Judgment by the person who I asked "too much" from?



Yeah, less risky stuff, I was definitely asking about that

Yeah, Artley Wilkins had a good summary of the topic he/she was talking about, just it was not for my situation, but that's okay.

It would have been very good advice to me though at the start of those 4 years when I got pulled into helping that "friend". Because I feel like the advice was from the pov and position of the person that's being asked to help/giving the help/support. And I was in that position then.


OK, now I'll have some thoughts on the list you wrote out.


Yeah I think that makes total sense. But it's kinda a general idea too to me because people would need to state pretty explicitly what is within in their skills. Unless it's like, I know them very, very well and they've shared a lot about themselves...but then they probably have already stated it pretty explicitly anyway lol


How infrequently in the case of family?


Yeah, makes sense.

I am not clear on the note on crisis though. What is different from this when it's a crisis?


Over what timeframe does it need to be equal? In a day, in a week, in a month, in the whole relationship overall?

How about when it is about family? Parents?

I noticed my mother has a er, propensity to first say "no" automatically.

Or to start up thinking aloud about what obstacles are in the way. Her mind immediately goes to other people, such as her husband, my sister, anyone else.

What do you think about this? I don't understand this thing of hers and that bothers me that I don't know what to make of it.


Yeah, that's OK.

Refer to "Asking someone who has not turned you down recently"

So basically I'm having issues there. That's why I said I don't want to fight or anything like that.

And I'm having issues with trust because of it. I don't want to start thinking in the wrong way about all of it. I feel like I really have to figure this out.

Specifically, I start feeling paranoid that family members are going to start to hate me and stuff like that.

...

I know this is from the "best friend" crap, the person I helped like that for 4 years. She started being hateful towards me in the end. I even had an unusually clear emotional flashback this morning about it, that involved family and I instantly understood that it was from my experience with that toxic behaviour of that "friend". The way it affected me what she did eventually, that traumatised me outright on top of the cPTSD I already had. That is what I had the flashback about. And then I was like I wasn't going to allow that to ruin family relations!! I had another flashback or something like that afterwards but I can't even remember it now, very tired atm.

(I don't know if you saw the post I deleted, I was writing about stuff like that in that too)

***

Anyway. I have another concern here regarding context. So this list, it's a list for general social support yeah? For people who are like... mildly depressed? Or worse than mildly depressed? Severe depression? cPTSD?

This is relevant for me so thank you if you can give me a context on that.

***

My own context/background:

I am really not going to complain here but I DID consider several times to go to an inpatient facility, I got a referral from my psychiatrist, and I was rejected in a sense when I went in for the first interview. I mean....they did say they can try to take me in for 2 weeks and see if that works. Because they work in large groups and my disability doesn't allow me to be able to work with that (not a mental disability, I don't want to go into details). But that wasn't the worst. The worst was that during the interview, the person, a clinical psychologist, refused to accommodate my disability. I found it truly ludicrous. Like he seemed like an intelligent guy? But does this anyway?

That isn't where the experiences end... This was pre-covid, and then during lockdown I got a referral to a trauma centre. I went in for the interview with a young woman who was still training to be a therapist or something, I'm not sure, but she not only did not accommodate my disability but she went as far as abusing it. In a very sensitive setting, after all, it was going to be an interview about trauma. I was given a form to fill out about my trauma symptoms afterwards, it had a question about how strongly on a 0-10 scale I got my trauma active in the moment while filling out the interview. I put a 10.

So, I just am not able to go try again for a while with professionals and I only want to see if I can have support from family.

And my situation is, well, yeah, recovering from cPTSD, and like I am in a really strange mindspace or whatever, ....... My brain easily overloads, I fight sleep debt, and extreme stress, and so on. I'm not going to get into details. Because like I said the point isn't complaining. I am giving all this for background information.

It was a background information for this: I have to make a decision whether I really am just going to rely on myself only and not look for any support, but that then means I'd be taking up the "karma" or I don't know what it is, from the "best friend" who added to my trauma and who did somehow learn to not trust anyone and just became really sh*** to everyone expecting them to do everything for her and being angry and hateful if they didn't, she was just unable to have any real relationship anymore, and I do not want to end up there!!

Also if I decide to just be 100% self-reliant and zero support or zero close relationships then it's like.... I was working for years for the opposite goal. Do I just change my goal all of a sudden like that ?? Then what did I work for so hard ??