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Originally Posted by Bill3
No, exercising good judgment as to what is "too much" and what isn't. What might be "too much" for one person might be completely fine with another person.
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Ah okay. I think in my case my inability to do personal conflict since cPTSD, that makes things harder even if I have good judgment about this.
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Well I sort of think that a lot of the nonprofessional help that one might need are really for the most part within people's skill sets. Practical, day-to-day stuff. But maybe for example someone is impatient and not a good listener, you know? That sort of concern.
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Yes, I'm interested in practical, day-to-do stuff here.
I'm not really looking to have family listen to issues of mine at length. I get nothing out of that sortof thing myself.
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Not everybody wants to be involved in a crisis, and not everybody is calm and nonjudgmental in a crisis...
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I was involved/allowed myself to get involved in the crisis of the "best friend" in 2014. She wouldn't get involved in mine in 2018.
(2014: That was when I started helping her so much for 4 years.)
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As to time frame well not in a short period of time like a day, week, month.
But now that you have brought this up I am thinking about it a little differently. (Thanks!) Now what I am thinking is that in each relationship there is a "normal". Normally perhaps we are overall givers to some and receivers from others.
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I'm glad if I had you think about it and if you got something out of that.
Interesting topic too. I don't know about the givers/receivers stuff. I think socially, for social relationships that are not deep, intimate, this is true, I will give to someone and will receive from someone else and so on. With close relationships, I think I prefer the giving/receiving to be balanced.
So much so that after the cPTSD started I was really uncomfortable with a person just wanting to play the giving role. I wanted a normal and balanced friendship with them and wanted to give back and she didn't want me to and it caused issues lol (also it was because for her it was social relating and for me I wanted it to be a close relationship, so she didn't mind it being not balanced and I did)
But by now I accepted that it's okay if I'm temporarily more supported maybe.... If I even want to be supported because it's like pulling tooth to try and find it for the more "close relationships" IRL. That's where the two IRL friends were gone too. Again, see my inability to do personal conflict
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I think what I am getting at is that a request for help shouldn't be too far away from whatever "normal" is for that specific relationship. So maybe someone normally supports you and is okay with that, but if you asking for help for the fifth time in a week maybe that will get beyond their limits?
Including parents.
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I don't really understand this limits stuff.
That "best friend" asked me for help more than 5 times a week.
There were many weeks like that. I never felt it was past my limits. But I think I did get too involved and allowed it to take from my life. But it's a long story....
So yeah, I don't think I understand the limits part. Not sure why not.
It's like... if I asked a family member once and they instantly said "no" then I instantly feel like there is absolutely no space, that the limits are immediate, or something like that?
I instantly feel like that it's nonnegotiable or that it's impossibly hard to negotiate. And I was not like this before the "best friend" added to my cPTSD. cPTSD itself did originally not make me that way, it was something the "best friend" added to it that made me feel this way. It's a big problem for me with this stuff.
It....it feels like people are just not going to help at all. It feels like if I tried to ask again then they WILL hate me. Especially if an argument was going to start up on the issue. Then I feel like they WILL hate me, that they WILL think I'm too....too anything, I don't know. Like, rejecting who I really am.
All that's just irrational of course but yeah
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It sounds like she doesn't really want to be called upon for help, or is too busy, too stressed, etc. 
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She's not too busy or too stressed. She's a pensioner and enjoys life and is very happy with her husband. She has a lot of positive energy and vitality. She maintains herself very well for her age.
She is okay with some basic routines that she doesn't find hard to do and when I "came out" about being suicidal (this was 2 years ago), then she was instantly very concerned and she really helped me there.
Does any of this give you more info on placing what this response means?
And I have another concern here regarding context. So this list, it's a list for general social support yeah? For people who are like... mildly depressed? Or worse than mildly depressed? Severe depression? cPTSD?
Or mental illnesses aside. For people who are constantly in a pinch? Constantly overloaded?
Or more like for people who sometimes feel like it's nice to get a little help here and there?
I think this is an important question here.