It's not normal not to have any friends at my age. I have to be really toxic waste of a person. I feel like it. I saw many therapists and no one managed to help me, I am currently on some meds which also does nothing for me. I am really, really tired. Someone today killed one of the cats I was feeding and I feel like it was my fault because I taught them to trust humans and they shouldn't. Maybe she was run over by car I don't know, but I still feel guilty. I have no one to confide, literally no one. If I just fell down on the street I feel like no one would help me. Either movies and tv shows give us some super optimistic version of reality, or something is seriously wrong with me. This world is not fair. I never thought I was a bad person, but being this alone and this insignificant can't happen to good, valuable persons. Maybe it's this country, this town which is suffocating me for decades, maybe I just don't want to believe it's me.
I've read some books on psychology and while it did get to me, I still feel completely alone on this world. I don't understand why they always tell us to "ask for help" when no one really wants to help anyone, unless you pay, and in my case not even then. World is based on so many lies.