Ah T,

I know our 2nd last rupture, I said you can't understand what it's like to be someone with complex developmental trauma. You didn't like that. I think you understand it from lots of patients, but then it still doesn't mean you understand viscerally from lived experience.

And then our last rupture which still really hurts, is about you choosing not to reply to that vulnerable email. At least you owned that you did see and read it and chose not to respond. As I tried to give you the benefit of doubt that maybe you didn't see it, maybe you forgot.

You've never liked the degree I seek reassurance, I know. You get frustrated, say others will too. I understand and am trying to stop, trying to stop.

It really hurts though, incredibly so. Some within me want us to quit therapy. It's just too much pain at times.

Maybe we got it all wrong, and it's not okay to make bids for connection over email.