I went to the ER last night. I thought I was having chest pains as a result of my surgery. Like I felt I was having a heart attack or a blood clot because of complications. I also felt like I was having bad withdrawals from Xanax. I figured that even if everything was ok with my heart and chest they’d tell me if I was having withdrawals or not.

So I went and they did an EKG and a cat scan. They said I’m not having a blood clot or heart attack or withdrawals. but they said I have some muscle aches and also these like pockets of fluid build up from my surgery. Which sounds kind of scary. He couldn’t get a plastic surgeon in last night but he wants me to follow up with one. So I’m thinking I may have to head back to my surgeon to see what’s up. 3 people told me I am not having any withdrawals though from the Xanax.

But I was sharing a room with a cis women I think in her 40’s. They had curtains separating us but I’m not sure how she felt. Especially when they were throwing around words like “top surgery” “plastic surgeon.” and my mom had to tell the nurse I was trans. The lady never said anything so I guess she’s either accepting or was in too much pain to care.

The nurse started an IV because I needed a special kind of cat scan with some kinda liquid. Plus I was getting pain meds. The IV hurt really badly. The cat scan freaked me out too because the technician put something in my IV that instantly made me feel very hot and I tasted and smelled something weird. It was kind of scary.

I am at home and I managed some sleep. I’m not dizzy like I was before and my anxiety is under control but my chest still aches. So I will probably have to go back to my surgeon to see what’s up. The ER doctor gave me a script for a muscle relaxer.