Quote:
Originally Posted by Salmon77
I think you're both right to an extent—yes, a T should try to create an environment where clients will feel safe. But new T is right that nobody can control all factors in an environment and nobody can predict how any given person will react to things.
I'd also say, sometimes those painful feelings need to be brought forth and worked through for progress to happen.
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I would agree with this. My T has done some things that have inadvertently hurt me, including very recently. Sometimes, he has seemed surprised or puzzled. More recently, he seems to understand why they hurt me, and has said that he should have worded things differently. Or that as soon as it came out of his mouth, he realized I might react negatively.
I think the important thing is to tell the T when it happens, if possible (like, "that thing you said upset me") or as soon after the fact as you can. How they respond to it is important, like if they're defensive vs. apologetic or something in between.
I imagine maybe you were bothered by her saying you were more sensitive than most clients? I've been bothered by similar comments by my T in the past. He's said he's just making an observation, doesn't mean it to be critical or negative. So it may just be that your current T was noting how maybe most clients would not be bothered by seeing family members of T (note: I would be bothered, or at least affected, by that as well). So your T might not immediately think "I need to keep family members away from clients." And some clients are more affected by the timing of their session than others, like having a time set for them.
So with your new T, if there are specific things that tend to trigger you, I'd suggest talking to her about them in advance. You mentioned seeing family members--does it also bother you if she talks about them, for example? If that's the case, better to let her know in advance (and then if she slips up and mentions, gently remind her). Or if you really find it important to keep a set session time.
I will say that I think most any client would be bothered by starting late and still ending on time. I mean, if it was 2 minutes or something, maybe it wouldn't be a big deal, but if it was 10 minutes or more (maybe even 5), that's a big part of the session. When my T had to start 5 minutes late recently, I asked if we could go 5 minutes later than usual, and he agreed to that. So it's good to speak up at the time, like "Hey, we started late, can I have x more minutes?"
Hope this was somewhat helpful and that it works out with your new T.