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I never understood this until we started doing IFS/Parts work. It became clear to me this week that there has never been a time in my childhood I had a parent or guardian that would lay or sit next to me when hurt, sick or emotionally upset to comfort. This was foreign to me and this is what a child part craves from my therapist and is always grieving and sad between sessions because he is the only one that "holds space" for us. This I think is the root of my attachment to him. Of course he is trying to get me to do it for myself. Blech.
It has always been hard for me to watch scenes in TV shows where a child is comforted when sick or hurt. I never understood why it brought out despair feelings in me.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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