Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
Here I try to reframe them as needed in a positive light.
It is less risky to ask for something:
--within their nonprofessional skill set
--within your regular frequency of asking
--when you are in a pinch
--when you are asking someone who (as far as you know) has time to help
--when you are asking someone who has given you good reason to think that are okay with being asked
--when you are calm, or you know that they will be calm, and okay with you being upset
|
Thanks for this again. I have been thinking about it myself, and I think the problem isn't even these boundaries. The problem is something about my past and unprocessed emotions messing up my inner state and then consequently the interactions (even if it is not visible to others, if I keep all of it in).
Quote:
|
What do I mean by a crisis? I guess that I mean when emotions (theirs or yours) are running high. So yes, suicidality is a good example. I tried to include this thought in the last item above.
|
Oh god. I'm not sure but this may have given me some bit of understanding on something. So do you mean, emotions are visibly running high? And the person wants/needs emotional support, like, outright consolation? And like, the person needs it for long hours for a while? Or like, the person needs to talk about their issue for long hours to a sympathetic listening ear? Is that what people think of when hearing the word "crisis"?
Quote:
Comments are welcome 
|
I will add more on the topic of seeking support in crisis but I'd like to hear from you first about whether I'm going in the right direction with this.
Quote:
|
With regard to your mother, can you say more about what she has been doing/proposing lately in regard to listening to/supporting you?
|
Err... Listening to me? Listening to what? Venting? Pouring out sad feelings?
I'm just trying to confirm that this is what you meant - if not then let me know.
As far as other support, she likes to feel for me a little sometimes (for a few seconds), she sometimes tells me let's go for a walk, or she is happy to cook a lunch for me or make a favourite drink for me. She's let me sleep over if too tired to go home & I had a period where I stopped caring at all and didn't even make food for myself so I moved to her place temporarily because I realised that was the responsible thing to do (ask for help, not do it all alone). It was the same with the suicidal feeling, I realised the responsible thing was to tell her/family so I wouldn't get even worse. Though, I probably was suicidal because the GP put me on Xanax 3 times a day for a few weeks (this was 2 years ago). It made me feel weird like that.
And I'm not sure really what else she has in mind but apart from her nagging me let's talk, (I am not sure what she has in mind with that, does she want to feel closer? or does she want to help me?), she keeps asking how I feel and also keeps telling me how good it is that I seem to be doing good - but it's only because I smile at her lol. Because she's important to me so I smile easily at her. That's really all it is. I don't think I can explain that to her and I didn't really try too hard at explaining.
Because I know if I try to emphasise that no, I don't feel good, then she can also feel down (for a short time), and she can show pretty intense expressions and I'd rather stay away from that now. ...I understand it's just her getting emotionally involved but I'd rather not burden her and it doesn't help me either
Normally it's not a problem for me if someone shows negative emotions, I used to have a high tolerance for it, but after years of taking care of that "friend" and actually, another friend at the end of high school who kept pouring out her negativity on me, constantly venting, and sharing her negative thoughts, worries, everything, well yeah I just think I want to stop that pattern or something. Because it was just too much eventually back then at the end of high school too (when I was 18).
So I have low tolerance for it now, I need to get better first, until then it's really tricky, I just realised I was unable to fall asleep last night for 3 hours (until I took a xanax) because I took in some negative emotion from family too much. Yeah I had to ask, yeah, I was too tired to go home, I was about to go home, packed up my things and then I realised I was about to get knocked out (sleep debt). And realised the responsible thing for my most basic well-being (sleep, being able to function at all) was not going out and travel ~1 hour home at night. Yeah don't ask why it took me until that long to get ready, I was just simply too tired all weekend (sleep debt). So she was really annoyed and didn't really want to agree but did agree fast enough but it just still went over my threshold and couldn't sleep for 3 hours and that's gonna interfere with my day today lol. I am used to these little problems becoming bigger issues but I'm fed up with it also.
All this is why I want to really disconnect for now even from family. Without feeling low from it, like, I need to see it's temporary or something...
edit: Plus I need to see how it's "best friend" (plus the other person who first created the cPTSD for me) feelings that mess up things even with family
Anyhow I am going to try and do something with my day now.