EDIT: Sorry, I think a lot came out of me now, it's just,.... I don't expect consolation or whatever, I think I don't wanna think about this more until the end of today at least.



***

OK I didn't reflect on your list yet but this popped up for me now so I'll share real quick:

"within their nonprofessional skill set"

Yes that's OK with family

"within your regular frequency of asking"

I feel like that's OK too tbh, it's hard to tell, I don't know, do I ask "am I asking for help too often?" O_o My mother defffinitely doesn't spend 9 hours with me a week lol

"when you are in a pinch"

Yeah that's what I do, I ask exactly when I'm in a pinch and ...well yeah I've said a few things about that in my above post.

EDIT (added after I wrote all the rest of this post bc that's when I got these thoughts): Maybe I'm in a pinch too often but that's my condition, or what should I do about it?! The one thing I can do about it is disconnect from family too and just pay for services, food, taxi, whatever (Say taxi yesterday to take me home when tired and about to be knocked out) But it also just annoys me tbh and makes me lose trust more if I think of it that negatively. I dunno. I have to think about this part a load more. But it DOES make me feel negative if I think of paying through the nose for a taxi just because randomly I may receive a "no", when usually it's totally fine if I sleep over?? What's that randomness?? It makes me lose trust, because "best friend" got so random too especially near the end of the relationship. She ("best friend") used to not be randomly negative like that.... ?!?

I just know my instincts are SCREAMING at me "RUN!!!!" "don't risk more!!!!"

And then other instinct screaming at me "don't be open" and then "its gonna be ****ed up if I'm not open anymore ever with anyone else ever again"

It's a mess.

"when you are asking someone who (as far as you know) has time to help"

Yes that's OK

"when you are asking someone who has given you good reason to think that are okay with being asked"

That's where it gets messed up because it seems so random. Maybe she's just a moody person, I don't know.... She's usually happy but can also be intensely negative for short times like make these intense negative faces if she's in a bad mood. I really don't think she has a high capacity for internalising. ME EITHER LOL it causes problems because I have to choose between not sleeping for hours unless I take the xanax or externalising and who wants all that conflict if the goal was to have a nice supportive relationship (mutually supportive preferably). Dunno, this is too much for me while I try to just recover from the cPTSD : (

"when you are calm, or you know that they will be calm, and okay with you being upset"

YES this is SO random with her
I CANNOT predict her responses, absolutely not, lol

And I cannot predict or even READ MY OWN inner state like I don't know when it's going to be over my threshold and when it's okay! Sometimes I'm fine with it and sometimes I take it in too much

And I noticed I can see myself taking it in sorta.....but I have no idea what to do with it I just freeze on the spot and take it in

Maybe it's the cPTSD though

Btw you said that thing about them dealing with my upset. Nah I don't think I'm upset when I ask for x thing in a pinch like yesterday evening. I just ask like a usual question/request/anything, it's not me being crazy upset, I don't know but I just know I don't feel crazy upset or in a crisis or any of that. It's a simple practical issue to be solved in my mind and then it gets all emotional bc of their response and I don't need it to get emotional when it was a simple practical problem!!