Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2
I would have found it helpful if she had focused on trying to understand, it did feel that she took the other therapists side as she made no comment on the therapists part in it, only on mine. When I was seeing the old T, I carried on seeing her after the rupture. That T was quite analytical and gave me an analysis of why I had the emotional reaction that I did, and I felt shame at the time. It was only later that I looked back on it and thought that perhaps the way the T dealt with the rupture wasn’t quite right as it felt in a way that all the ‘blame’ for the rupture rested with me. I guess I feel that the new T took that approach too.
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I do agree with this as well. I had only been seeing my current T for a few months when I had a major rupture with my former marriage counselor ("ex-MC"). It felt initially like he was blaming me for the rupture, like, "Well, most therapists would probably act similarly to your email." It really hurt. Because it felt like he was taking his side (didn't help that he knew him professionally and even used to work in the same office as him).
Over the few years since then, my T has very much changed his tune about ex-MC, as I've filled in more things about the relationship. Now he seems very negative about him and has said he's trying very hard to not make similar mistakes with me (such as inconsistent and fuzzy boundaries). Because he wouldn't want me to end up hurt in the same way.
I appreciate all that very much. But I really wish he'd believed me more in the beginning and validated my feelings better.
I think it could help to talk to your current T about how what she said made you feel. How it feels like she's blaming you and siding with your former T. See what she says and how you feel about it.