Thanks for your posts. I think I am getting a better understanding of what you are dealing with.
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I'm not sure but this may have given me some bit of understanding on something. So do you mean, emotions are visibly running high? And the person wants/needs emotional support, like, outright consolation? And like, the person needs it for long hours for a while? Or like, the person needs to talk about their issue for long hours to a sympathetic listening ear? Is that what people think of when hearing the word "crisis"?
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Well no I wouldn't call that a "crisis" but I would imagine that one would look at it from the perspective of our list of what makes for a less risky request.
I think we are groping forward and have not necessarily reached a final draft!
It sounds like a big issue is the unpredictability of your mother's responses. Let say that you ask to stay over ten times. Six times she might be lovely, two times she might be grudging, and two times she might be overtly negative about it, but there seems to be no way to tell beforehand which response you are going to get! And so what seems to be a basic, simple, noncontroversial request suddenly blows up, and because of cPTSD you take the blow up very hard.
How accurate is the that last paragraph?
You have mentioned your sister several times. It sounds like you are saying that your mother devotes more time to her than to you, those 9 hours per week. I wonder if you could describe what thoughts and feelings come up when you think about your mother's relationship with your sister.