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Originally Posted by Bill3
Thanks for your posts. I think I am getting a better understanding of what you are dealing with.
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Thank you too for reading
I'm glad if it helps understand more.
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Well no I wouldn't call that a "crisis" but I would imagine that one would look at it from the perspective of our list of what makes for a less risky request.
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What does a crisis look like in your opinion?
And specifically, what do people think of when someone says they are in a crisis and would like to talk? "Oh god he/she must be so desperate and I'm going to have to spend all my day helping them going deep in their soul and play therapist and get pulled down myself"? (Lol that was just one example)
Also what do people think of when they talk of listening like you mentioned above? I.e.
"what she has been doing/proposing lately in regard to listening to/supporting you"
Listening to a vent, to sad thoughts, or something else or all of that...?
I am asking because I did notice some people before thought I was interested in something like "therapy" or like a lot of soul-related deep talks? I never asked what they really had in mind, though.
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It sounds like a big issue is the unpredictability of your mother's responses. Let say that you ask to stay over ten times. Six times she might be lovely, two times she might be grudging, and two times she might be overtly negative about it, but there seems to be no way to tell beforehand which response you are going to get! And so what seems to be a basic, simple, noncontroversial request suddenly blows up, and because of cPTSD you take the blow up very hard.
How accurate is the that last paragraph?
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That's pretty accurate.
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You have mentioned your sister several times. It sounds like you are saying that your mother devotes more time to her than to you, those 9 hours per week. I wonder if you could describe what thoughts and feelings come up when you think about your mother's relationship with your sister.
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Oh she has 4 kids so I don't at all mind any of that. She does need the help.
I don't really have any thoughts or feelings other than a few memories like the one I mentioned about the vacation. I know I didn't feel good at those times with that vacation, like I felt intentionally ignored
But my sister doesn't really have anything to do with my issues, I only asked my mother about it because I wanted some more context about it all, I thought the more context I see the better.
Edit: a few hours later after I first read your post/question, I can think of this too now. As for thoughts/feelings, I mean. I always thought they can share better with each other. More intimately, but I don't actually know. Because my sister will do it with me too, i.e. will talk like that to me too, just not often. She talks a lot more with my mother. My mother I doubt she talks about too many deep things to my sister though, it's probably my sister talking like that, as she's that kind of person. But they do seem to be able to talk longer together than with me. And I felt left out of that a long time ago. But again I don't think this is relevant because I have my own ways to spend enjoyable times with my mother, it's just that for a long time I was distant from everyone, not just from family.
While writing this out, I switched to the positive in the middle of it. Because I've thought about that today, about positive ways to have interactions with my family. Or with anyone else really. It strongly relates to me finding my old/real self again.