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Originally Posted by Bill3
Thanks for your response!  |
Thank you too again!
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Here is a definition from Collins online dictionary:
A crisis is a situation in which something or someone is affected by one or more very serious problems.
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Yeah, the psychological definition is, a situation where someone's coping resources are temporarily overwhelmed.
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If someone was told that their friend/relative was in crisis and needed to talk, three of the items in our list might come to mind:
"I won't be able to help"
"This is going to take a long time"
"That person is going to be really upset"
Plus they might also be thinking, depending on the situation:
"Not again."
"I really don't want to deal with this."
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Hm well.
I notice you did not list thoughts of concern for the person in crisis.
Is there any particular reason why you didn't?
What emotions do you think motivate the thoughts in this list?
The IRL friends I had, they came to me with crises just fine. They were suicidal, or being deceived by a guy, or overwhelmed with financial issues and/or with total, complete hopelessness, and so on. There was a lot of that over the years tbh. I am talking about two friends or "friends", the first two issues were one friend (the more normal friend) and the rest were the other friend (the toxic one). The toxic one is who had a lot of it over the years, the other friend didn't have so much of it or so regularly. (Not the same friend as the one in high school)
Do you want to know what I was thinking each time?
Well firstoff, I never ever thought
"not again" or
"I really don't want to deal with this".... I just never thought any of that.
What I did think when these friends or "friends" came to me with crises was,
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"I would like to know more on their issue!!, see if I can help a little or be there for them at least".
As far as the rest of your list, I didn't think
"this is going to take a long time", because I can set limits on time, but of course I did make the mistake of not really checking the time a long time ago. If it was now, I would pay attention to how long I'm spending on it though. I also didn't think
"I won't be able to help" because I'm like, just being there and being attentive already helps, that's how I think about it.
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"That person is going to be really upset". Yes, I would think that too. No problem with that in my eyes.
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I think what this all means is that one needs to be judicious about who one approaches when in crisis.
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Again, the psychological definition of crisis includes overwhelmed coping resources. Your friend may not temporarily be able to be "judicious". My friends or "friends" were also *not* able to be judicious in their crises. I never judged them for that.
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People can be genuine friends and nevertheless not feel willing or able to help out when there are serious problems.
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What would make someone - who's a genuine friend - not willing? Do you have examples of this? I'm really interested in this one.
What would make someone think things like
"I really don't want to deal with this"? (Variation on the question of, what emotions motivate the thoughts in the above list)
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Can you say more about positive ways to have interactions with your family, and also more about how that relates to finding you old/real self again?
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I'll get to this a bit later, it's late here now and have to pull the thoughts together.