I can feel your pain Hallie. Have you told your treatment team yet? I've noticed they tend to help you out pretty good once you reach out to them. As for the loneliness, is there anybody you can talk to while your granny is in rehab? Even if it's just reconnecting with an old friend or perhaps doing some sort of online meeting (SMART recovery has online meetings and might help you with the self harm thoughts, just an idea). Sending healing vibes