I had a very beautiful week with my Daughter. She was able to able to sleep 12 hours a day and even naps. Something she was desperately in need of. The rest of the time we just talked and talked about childhood and current things in our lives.

10 seconds after dropping off her off at the deprature areas something was said that literally exploded my mind. I wanted out of the truck and considered just jumping while moving, I wont go into any specifics. I am still unable to deal with it and am taking Xanax around the clock. More than normal but it is needed right now If I dont sleep and sleep I am not sure I will stay safe.

I tried twice to call my T today to just leave a message that I am in Crisis but I can make it until our appointment on Wednesday. But none of my calls went through I live in a remote area. Then this Covid back in March 2020 went all phone sessions and eventually stupid Zoom session None of this has helped me at all. Our first in person session a month again ( wasnt every 2 weeks due to his vacation and mandatory training he had no choice but to go) Richard also hates Phoned the calls and Zoom.

I am not sure what to do at this point. I hope that my T and I can get back on track. I hope that what happened I can somehow put behind me. I thought my Rage-y since November was bad enough. But this??