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I notice you did not list thoughts of concern for the person in crisis.
Is there any particular reason why you didn't?
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We have been focusing on what make make a friend or family member more or less willing to agree to be helpful. I think that their closeness, friendliness, love would bear on the point
"Asking someone who has given you good reason to think that they don't mind being asked, or even like being asked." Maybe the point you are making should be made more explicitly?
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What emotions do you think motivate the thoughts in this list?
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Possible emotions regarding wanting to help: love, affection, admiration, worry, fear/shame of letting someone down
Possible emotions regarding not wanting to help: fear of failure, fear of interference with other plans, resentment at being asked (or at too much being asked), shame at seeing relative/friend in crisis, dislike of one's own emotional state/anxiety, discomfort with uncertainty as to eventual success of effort and how much time will be involved.
Probably there can be more on both sides.
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The IRL friends I had, they came to me with crises just fine....Do you want to know what I was thinking each time?
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Not everyone is as good and reliable and amazing of a friend as you are!
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As far as the rest of your list, I didn't think "this is going to take a long time", because I can set limits on time, but of course I did make the mistake of not really checking the time a long time ago. If it was now, I would pay attention to how long I'm spending on it though.
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Perhaps this was a lesson painfully learned?
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My friends or "friends" were also *not* able to be judicious in their crises.
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Didn't your "friends" consistently know to come to you, that you would be there for them?
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What would make someone - who's a genuine friend - not willing? Do you have examples of this? I'm really interested in this one.
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Maybe someone is drunk and the friend had an alcoholic parent and is triggered and simply cannot deal. Maybe the friend has a massively important family or career event in the next few hours. Maybe what is being asked is just too much (e.g. leave your child alone to come and stay overnight with me), maybe they don't approve of what is being asked (e.g. drive me to get vaccinated).
I think that there could be lots of reasons. Your definition of "genuine friend" might include doing all of the above but, again, not everyone is as good and reliable and amazing a friend as you.
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What would make someone think things like "I really don't want to deal with this"? (Variation on the question of, what emotions motivate the thoughts in the above list)
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Yeah, I think the emotions above cover this, or try to.
It sounds like, in general, you have a very broad, inclusive understanding of what you should be and do as a friend. Perhaps regrettably, not everyone shares that perspective. And in considering who is likely to be helpful in a crisis, my thought is that one needs to take into consideration how the other people view friendship, what they feel willing and able to do in response to being asked to help.
How did you eventually come to stop viewing those "friends" as friends?