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I seem to have a very insecure attachment style. So it makes sense that I am prone to being overly sensitive if I am out with her and see her give her number to another man, even if our relationship is not defined. That insecurity is definitely something I have to work on.
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However, I am sick to my stomach because I have bonded strongly with her in a situation where I don't think I am good for her (given all my issues) even if I did ask her that we should define the relationship.
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I predict that when you stop using alcohol, you will see positive change in these areas.
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After introducing me to the host, she went about socially and dancing with other folks and I was pretty much on my own. She took me along when we went to dinner after, and she openly stated to the whole table what she was missing in her search for a relationship
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She took you as her guest to a professional event where you knew no one and turned you loose? And then, to an entire dinner table, made comments she had to know would be hurtful to you? And then basically devoted herself to this other guy? And, separately, evaded your effort to define the relationship?
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After that she has (rightly) said she doesn't like all the drinking.
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How much do you think she would be willing to help you with stopping?