ty all..
my son is living with his dad so he can finish his ged get a job at his dad's company... he isn't living with the babies mother and if they get back together they wouldn't be living at his dad's house... she lives by me 3 hours away from where my son is now...the baby isn't due until october and he should be finished this month

i wonder if my abusers knew that their imprint on my soul would perpetuate their abuse years after they stopped... do they get some kind of pleasure just thinking about that? ... did my ex somehow know that he took my power back again last night as i read about what he did to our son? to me?

reading the report... remembering in detail what he did... has me in a place where i have never been before... the shame, fear is so much more intense then it has ever been... last night i tried to wash him off... but i realized that he has left a stain on my soul... how do you clean your soul...i don't think i will ever get through this.

my gut tells me that i have always told my boys the truth... but the truth will hurt them to the core... and that is beyond my ability to cope... my gut tells me that the police report is the truth... and if i hide the truth... i will be doing what my ex is doing... my gut tells me that their is a real possibility that my son would rather believe that i lied then face the truth about his dad... but i also know he knows the truth in his heart... and even if he doesn't admit it to me... he will know the truth... and their is a real possibility that in the end i will be the one ripped to pieces....

lyn