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Originally Posted by hvert
Do you have a favorite intro to DBT? I have tried to read up on it before but have never gotten very far. I'm interested in it but somehow resistant - when I've tried to get into it in the past, I've abandoned the effort because I don't feel like the problems it was designed for are the problems I'm working on. Focusing on being non-judgmental vs. negative does sound good so I need to give it another chance.
I think part of my problem is that I feel like my negative outlook is fact based rather than emotional and that makes it hard to give up - but I am just so tired of it!
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If you have a bias towards being negative, that by definition is not fact based. A bias is used to select facts instead. A bias may be desirable, as you cannot make actual decisions without it - but it may also be undesirable based on what we actually want.
So a very basic principle in CBT* and other therapies is to balance the fact finding, get both the positive and negative of the situation, and correct biases in thinking that way. And of course there are other errors too in thinking that CBT deals with. We do not even always notice when emotion affects our reasoning more than usual - this applies to otherwise very rational types too. It can take practice to notice the moments when unrecognised negative (or even positive) emotion introduces unwelcome bias like this.
*: Yes I said CBT, not DBT. Different approaches and therapies work for different people. For some CBT works better, for some DBT and so on. You don't "have to" use one approach even, you can just pick up what works for you at a given moment in the process you are in on the whole. For you, maybe you would also be interested in checking out REBT (Rational emotive behavior therapy). This is the most rational form of CBT-like approaches that I know of. It also has the idea of "radical acceptance", in a different, more rational form than DBT. (I can't remember what it calls it instead of radical acceptance)
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Originally Posted by hvert
Radical acceptance seems hard to swallow but maybe I am missing something.
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Well there are different forms of radical acceptance like I said.... My version of it I call it "take in the cold, hard reality". Lol. But yeah. Sometimes that's what one has to do.... Acceptance can also be the end phase of processing things. Such as in the well-known 5 or 7 steps of the grieving process, but in other processing too.
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Although I have a negative outlook, I often feel like I can make a difference, I can make things better. I am working with some people on a project that's not going well. I reached out to someone to see if we could improve the situation. That seems like a better response to me, even if it didn't work? I don't know, this is just so hard - I want to change but not enough to actually do it. I would rather not notice all the flaws with the group or the project in the first place so I can stop wasting my energy trying to fix stuff and just focus on the good aspects.
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Maybe think about over-responsibility too. Just an idea.
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I'm also still trying to figure out this thought vs. emotion thing. To me, my negative perceptions seem like thoughts, not feelings.
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"Negative" by definition is emotional valence. Emotions have valence, emotion-free thoughts do not. Emotions have positive and negative valence and yes this is related to introducing bias in thinking.
Try to notice the emotional charge of the negativity and try to sense and recognise the emotion itself as well.
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I was in a class and really enjoyed some aspects of it. I did not like the fact there were not enough seats for all the students and that I had to get there an hour early to get a seat. I felt annoyed and angry about this and still feel justified in that. How can you let ten people in a class when you have room for seven? Every week I felt stressed about whether or not I would get there in time to get a seat. I guess with a radical acceptance approach, I would have done those same things but let go of the anger and frustration.
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Yes. You had emotions here: dislike, annoyance, anger. Nothing wrong with feeling all that. Yes, it's rather annoying to have to get there early if the facility does not have the resources to provide seats to everyone. Not much to do about that though, as a student. That's the acceptance part though I don't think it's radical acceptance. It's just accepting things "as is" but since it's like regular stress in life it doesn't seem radical to me
Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with feeling the anger and frustration. To me, it's part of life, feeling those. Just keep being aware of emotions and keep them under control in line with your goals.
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Does meditation or yoga work for people? I have dabbled over the years but not stuck with it long enough to see any benefit.
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There are different meditation and yoga techniques and schools, you can check them out, but you may also decide it's just not for you...That was personally my conclusion & decision