I cheated on my first husband during a hypomanic episode. I never told him about it even after we divorced I never mentioned it. I felt so ashamed just as I feel ashamed about most things I do during hypomanic and manic episodes. I basically came to terms with the situation through therapy sessions. There is a post concerning forgiving yourself and not living in the past. Those are important points. There is a point in therapy when you stop talking about things that happened years ago and you start talking about the previous week or month of activities. It feels more productive as though one is making progress with the therapist. But it can take years to get to that level. If at all possible I would suggest that you seek therapy for what you find to be a compelling issue. Try not to let it over rule the positive qualities with your husband. I hope you find comfort in the advice offered in this forum. It's all good.